Mom-Shaming Is Not Fashionable

I was texting with Rina about mom-shaming the other day, then coincidentally, a mommy friend posted this link on Facebook a few hours later: 5 Mom-Shaming Trends That Need To Stop Now.

I thought it was a good read, although my first thought upon seeing the title was "Mom-shaming trends? Since when did shaming others become fashionable?"

Just the week before, a pregnant Twitter friend shared another good article: Pregnant and New Mothers Who Boast on Social Media - It's Time to Stop. I decided to retweet the article because I knew some of my mommy friends will be able to relate (and true enough, a few of them retweeted that link)

Like what I told Rina, I don't usually express my opinion out loud on this topic even though I feel strongly about it, mainly because I am not a mother yet, and I fear and resent being dismissed with the good old "Kau belum ada anak, belum jadi mak, mana kau tau" statement.

Which is an unfair statement, honestly. Because even though I am not yet a mother, I do have new mommy friends who have to undergo such societal pressures and share their stories with me, which in turn makes me dread for when and if I do become a mother someday (insya Allah) and having to endure and fear mom-shaming from militant mothers.

Also, so what if I am not yet a mother?

Why shouldn't I express disdain at this new sickening culture of new age mothers shaming others who do not subscribe to the same school of thought? Why shouldn't I disapprove of militant mothers dissing other mothers who can barely keep up with demands of motherhood, without having to worry that she will be called out for "bad" parenting?


Why are mothers judged for not being able to endure the pain of childbirth and opting for epidural?

Why should a mother insist on natural birth and endanger her baby's life if caesarean is the safer option for her case?

Why are mothers who give birth via caesarean regarded as "not real mothers"?

Just because she popped out a baby out of her tummy instead of her hoohaa? Did she not go through all the symptoms and aches of pregnancy? Did she not carry a real baby in her belly for 9 months? Is she not responsible for this little human being now that he/she has popped out into the real world via her belly?

Why can't a mother cut herself some slack and use a stroller instead if she is not enthusiastic about baby-wearing or not brilliant at it?

Why should a mother force herself to breastfeed if she just cannot express enough, no matter how hard she tries? 

Why are mothers who feed formula milk to their babies labelled as "bad mothers"?

I was fed formula milk as a baby, and I do not see my mother as anything less than a supermother because of it. She carried me in her belly for nine months, and she raised me up into the full-functioning human being that I am today. Fair and square. 

I am not contesting that breast (milk) is probably the best source of nourishment for babies. I am not contesting that baby-wearing is beneficial for both mother and baby. I am not contesting that giving birth naturally is probably one of the most significant moments a woman can ever experience in her life. But these things should not be the be all and end all! If a mother cannot do any of the above, she has her own good reasons. Don't penalize her for something she possibly has no control over.

The female body was designed to undergo childbirth and those women who say they cannot go through it "the proper way" are pussies, you say? Well, complicated pregnancies and difficult deliveries were designed to test the patience and strength of those who can endure them more than you ever can, okay? Not for you to poke fun or jeer at, okay?

We all have our struggles. Don't make each other's struggles much harder than it already is. 

I know this is a pretty intense topic so to balance that energy off, I thought I'd give you the laughs by sharing this site that I stumbled upon while on my random Internet trawlz: It's Like They Know Us. It's one of those hilarious things like My Friends Are Married that I absolutely love, and if you don't find these sites funny then you may want to take your funny bone out of your uptight ass.

6 comments

  1. YEAP. http://myfriendsaremarried.tumblr.com/ HAHA

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  2. I don't know why people put so much pressure on mothers to 'perform'.

    Like as if they don't do enough for others, there is a need to compete with other moms pulak. Like really, stop putting the entire world on their shoulders ah.

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    1. Ya, I know, right??? I never knew such pressure existed until I had pregnant friends. How did motherhood become... this?! All mothers deserved to be recognized and admired for their efforts, I don't know why it is so difficult for some women to give other mothers some slack

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  3. Way to go! Every mommy no matter her choice unless it endangers herself and her child are doing the best they possibly can. There is no absolute right or best in dealing with pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing. We are all individuals and individuals will respond as individuals in similar situations. As they say one man's meat is another man's poison. Stop the shaming. Instead support each mommy's choice and in the case of disagreement, agree to disagree.

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    1. I couldn't have said it better myself, babe! Especially agree with your first line - I believe that all mothers (let's not talk about abusive ones) will try their darnest to give the best love and support to their children, and it's so disheartening to see militant mothers make them question their mommy capabilities.

      And yes, like you said, it's okay to agree to disagree too! The bashing and shaming really has to stop

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